I couldn’t give a fuck about Chuck. 

While the press and social media are wanking themselves into a violet frenzy over the loss of ‘pioneer’ and ‘genius’, Chuck Berry, I’m of a mind to reply to every thread with a simple ‘oh, go fuck yourselves’. However, I’m a busy woman and it’s a far more efficient use of my time to pull a few wordy swears together on the matter.

“He was the father of rock ‘n’ roll”

He wasn’t exactly a sole voice in the wilderness, was he? Fats Domino, Little Richard blah blah blah. Crediting one person with an entire subsequent seven decades of musical influence is bullshit. And a disservice to the hundreds of other artists who went through a fucking load of hardship too.

So we’ve established that he didn’t invent rock ‘n’ roll all by himself in the manner of a deity. However, what he actually DID is very well documented:

  • Trafficked a fourteen year old girl across state lines and served three years in prison for it.
  • Went to prison for armed robbery.
  • Evaded taxes like a motherfucker. And went to jail for that too.
  • Allegedly secretly filmed women in the bathroom of his restaurant using concealed cameras specifically for the purpose. It didn’t go to court, but he spent a FUCKTONNE of money settling the matter.
  • Wrote some decent songs.

On balance, the good songs are rather tarnished by the hideous actions of their creator.

I’ll just stick with the facts, if that’s ok, and get on with my day, giving not a single fuck about a man who clearly gave few fucks about anyone else.

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